There are so many major things going on in the world that it can seem ill-fitted to talk about personal hardships or endeavors. That being said I also feel it’s important to be as transparent as possible as you follow me on my journey as an artist, business women, and healing human. I hope to connect with you on a deeper level, help people not feel so alone and practice speaking my truth which has felt closed off for many years. I’m grateful that the work I do is constantly changing and creating upheaval with all parts of my life which leads to growth, but if i don’t start sharing all sides, I will feel disconnected to why I work so hard. Feeling my feelings has been something that I have struggled with my whole life and it has taken me until very recently to realize that even though I feel very emotional, that doesn’t mean that I am accepting my feelings for what they are instead of living in judgment of myself. It’s been very hard for me to even start this first blog entry, because transparency and how it’s received is a pretty scary thing. So this is me trying to be real as fuck and break down the belief systems that I can’t be exactly who I am all the damn time. With the surplus of social media and interweb craziness that is put in our face from the minute we wake up, I’m going to do my best to keep real talk going, and shed some light on my shadow self instead of just simply sharing a reel of the shiny creations I make.
A lot has happened with me personally this past year leaving me in a constant state of reflection and often times judgement. I remember even as a young child having negative self talk be very apparent in my life. I was always such a creative kid and excelled in all things artistic but there was this lingering feeling of insecurity, regardless of positive feedback. I have been told numerous times that I seem like such a confident person but, let me tell you, it surely isn’t how I feel most of the time. I think it’s important to be able to share our feelings of inadequacy, because it is perfectly fine and normal to feel them. The important thing is, once we share them, what will we do with them now?
Making jewelry and running a shop is much more to me than just a business. While I stay interested in creating these tangible objects for you and providing a spiritual experience upon entering my shop, it really has been such an intense lesson of learning my own self worth. I spend a lot of time having conversations like this with people in the actual store but for those of you reading that are not here in Philly - this is my attempt to have you get to know me a little better.
Now that winter is here (I can't believe it's already time to start saying the word "holiday." It feels strange that just a few weeks ago I was wearing floral dresses and crop tops, but that’s a conversation for another time) I’m left with a lot of deep reflection. This time of year is hard for me, and many of you, for different reasons, but for me I can't help but feel once again very unprepared for the holiday season. It's not that I don't have jewelry made, yall know I have a whole shops worth plus a brand new collection. It's all the pressure to be, well... what and where I think I “SHOULD” be. This feeling of falling short or being less than, is something that continues to cripple me in my creative and business endeavors. I have noticed it even stronger now that I completed launching such a large project which included rebranding my identity as a jewelry designer and creating a new fine jewelry collection. Without meaning to, I was creating timelines of “success” for myself, only to leave me feeling unhappy at where I am. I’ve talked with other women about this feeling and I know I'm not alone here. I suppose I felt the need to share more personal feelings on this so I can continue to stay authentic and keep up the momentum to create things like newsletters and social media content.
I’m am very excited to share that I will also be starting my Reiki 1 certification with one of my favorite spiritual teachers, Meg Townsend. I will be sharing my experience as I continue on this path of healing and I hope to help others feel able to open up and talk about what's really going on in their lives whether it relates to mine or not. We all need to support each other in these very transformative times.
I’ll close by saying that I feel grateful to be aware that some of these belief systems are no longer serving me and I’m taking action to get them out and truly work on them ONCE AND FOR ALL! Thank you to everyone that read this very long post and everyone who has continued to support me over the years. I’m going to continue this holiday season with hopes to learn how to take time off and enjoy life. Praying that I don't burn out so I can be the pleasant side of Angela that most the people in my life see on a day to day basis. Setting an intention of being present and knowing that I am exactly where I need to be (and so are all of you). I'm going to try to stay on top of these newsletters but instagram is always the best way to keep up with me. I hope everyone is holding up in these intense times of transition and allowing your feelings to flow with grace. Below is a list of holiday markets and events I am attending. Stop by and say hello if you happen to be in the area!
Thanks for reading. Love you all, xoxo Angela